I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
