obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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