have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
