and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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