2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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