Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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