It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
