he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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