if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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