Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
