I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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