Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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