How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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