it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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