O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
