u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
