I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
