dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
