I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
