First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
