i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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