sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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