I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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