just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
