i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
