I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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