you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
