on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
