kristin has been a bad kristin
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
