I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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