Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
