just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
