Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
