I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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