She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
