Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me