Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate