Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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