is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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