I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit