yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.