Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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