i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When are your genitals available?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
