I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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