I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
