I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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