I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
