A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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