That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
