go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
