after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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