I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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