I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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