well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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