Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
