like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
