ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My feet surprised me
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