I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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