I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
