I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
