just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize