i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
