i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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