There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
