I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
