A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
