I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
