WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
