my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
