Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
