thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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