I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
