Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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