nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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