So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
