My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
