I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
