If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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