There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
