dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
